Hello friend, Mary Cordelia here. 

If you’ve reached this page, it probably means you’re in a difficult moment. Maybe you're feeling totally overwhelmed, or maybe just a little off, or maybe somewhere in between.

I’m glad you’re here. You don’t have to figure this out alone.   💜

First, let's figure out what kind of support you need right now.

I've made four different categories, because what you need depends on your level of distress. So please, take a moment to read them and see which one feels closest to where you are.

Four Levels of Distress

Level 4 - In severe distress, and feeling unsafe or in danger, either from yourself, or from another person, or from a situation you're in. 

Level 3 - Feeling intense distress, maybe frozen or collapsed or raging, but not in danger.  Maybe you’re barely holding on, but not in danger right now. 

Level 2 - Stressed and overloaded, but still functioning.  Maybe you're still moving forward, but life feels like way too much, and it's hard to know if you're making good choices.

Level 1 - You’re almost okay, but not yourself, and not feeling good, and really want to feel better.

Please scroll down to the level that feels most like where you are.

Level 4 - In severe distress and feeling like you're in danger

Dear one, if you’re feeling unsafe, out of control, or in danger from someone, you need some human support right now.

You can reach out to:

• a local emergency service if you’re in immediate danger (911 etc)

• a crisis hotline (resources below) to get help with your overwhelming emotions or thoughts

  • Lifeline offers 24/7 phone and text based crisis support with trained volunteer counselors 
  • Crisis Text Line offers 24/7 text based crisis support with trained volunteer counselors
• or if it feels like the better choice, you can reach out someone in your life who feels safe

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Reaching out is not a failure — it’s a way of protecting yourself.

You are also welcome to use any of the resources below of course, but if you feel in danger, it's really important to contact another person who can help you.  💜

Level 3 - In intense distress but not in danger

If you’re overwhelmed, spiraling, or unable to settle, but you’re not in danger, you are still welcome to reach out to the crisis lines that I mentioned in Level 4, above.  They are there to help people get through difficult moments and connect you up with resources that can help. 

And reaching out to someone you trust is very often the best choice of all.  We never were supposed to do this all alone.

But if you would like to try soothing yourself, I have a few resources to offer you.

I have a tool that works really well for settling an activation nervous system.  I call it the Five Senses Recycling Exercise.  I have used it with many, many people, and it has always worked to take a very high activation level (like 9 out of 10) down to a tolerable level ((like 6 out of 10).  This important shift gets you into a place where you can choose the next best step.

You can find instructions for that and other tools in the Staying Calm in Crisis course I created during the first months of the Covid pandemic. 

You can access that for free here:  Staying Calm in Crisis

It is important to understand that when we are in distress, we need to soothe ourselves before we can make good decisions.  When we choose from a state of activation, we often make choices that don't work out very well. 

And to soothe ourselves, we need specific tools that calm the nervous system directly.

Also, a gentle reminder:  when you are starting at this level of overload, you can't expect to feel calm right away. 

You have to take one small step toward steadiness.  Moving from 9 to 8 makes that crucial first difference.  Then from 8 to 7 helps again. And pretty soon you'll be able to make the next decision about what might help you.

And finally, you're invited to sign up for The Embers Circle, a free weekly gathering where we come together to heal, to witness one another and to tend the embers --the small, quiet parts of you that are still glowing, even if everything else feels dim.

Level 2 — Stressed, overloaded, but still functioning

If you're at this level, let's break the cycle that's keeping the stress going.  Let's start by taking a deliberate breath together right now.

• Count 6 as you breathe in. 
• Hold for just a moment. 
• Count 8 as you breathe out. 
• Hold for just a moment.

Did you do it?  Please don't go on until you do...

Now do it two more times.

• Count 6 as you breathe in. 
• Hold for just a moment. 
• Count 8 as you breathe out. 
• Hold for just a moment. 
• Repeat

Again, did you do it? 

Don't go on until you do.  💜

Ok, now check and see if that shifted anything...perhaps that dropped one notch of activation.

When things feel like too much, you need to give your nervous system a chance to settle a little before you decide what is the next choice for you.   

Three deliberate breaths give you a good 20 seconds of practicing on purpose, giving the mind and body a chance to settle a little -- perhaps just enough to get you back in the driver seat.

When you are stressed, but functioning, we need to talk about two important things.   

• STEP 1 - Finding ways of feeling better in the moment
  • This is essential, and you deserve it, but it's only part of the answer.
• STEP 2 - Doing the longer term work of building resilience and making the changes that will help in the long run.
  • The is the thing that will really make a difference in your life.

Very often we don't really know how to do the second one, and that's what the Blissipline Community is for.  So, let me offer you options for both.

If you go to the Blissipline.Life page, you can access both The Embers Circle, where we focus on Step 1, and the The Blissipline Community, where we also learn how to take Step 2.

And if you need more relief right now, please feel free to access the free Staying Calm in Crisis course where you can access tools for soothing your mind and body.

Level 1 - Not terrible, but not feeling good, and wanting to feel better

Hey friend!  The fact that you're even seeking support at this level is a really good sign.  Most of us wait until we are in dire straits before we reach out, but if we catch it at this level we have a chance of skipping the terrible levels!

Firstly, all the options at level 3 might be helpful, so feel free to start there.

But here's another that's sometimes astonishingly helpful.  

• Put your hand on your heart.
• Take a couple of deliberate breaths.
• Then say out loud, "of course you feel this way."
• And now see if you can actually meet your feelings with kindness. 
  • Even if you don't like them or agree with them, these feelings came from somewhere.
  • See what happens if you just give them some space.
• Take a couple more breaths, softening your hearth and your body, and giving yourself a little more space to feel and to be.

Sometimes, when we just stop fighting ourselves, this by itself creates a tiny break in the intensity of feelings.  In that gap there's the potential for a shift. 

As Leonard Cohen says,

There is a crack in everything. 

That's how the light gets in.

To get really good at meeting yourself where you are, and moving with compassion to the next better step, please come join us in The Blissipline Community, where we learn and practice these skills together every week.