Hello friend, Mary Cordelia here. 

If you’ve reached this page, it probably means you’re in a difficult moment. Maybe you're feeling totally overwhelmed, or maybe just a little off, or maybe somewhere in between.

I’m glad you’re here. You don’t have to figure this out alone.   💜

First, let's figure out what kind of support you need right now.

Four Levels of Distress

I've broken this into four different categories, because what you need depends on your level of distress. So please, take a moment to read them and see which one feels closest to where you are. 

Intensity Level 4 - In severe distress, and feeling unsafe or in danger, either from yourself, or from another person, or from a situation you're in. 

Intensity Level 3 - Feeling intense distress, maybe frozen or collapsed or raging, but not in danger.  Maybe you’re barely holding on, but not in danger right now. 

Intensity Level 2 - Stressed and overloaded, but still functioning.  Maybe you're still moving forward, but life feels like way too much, and it's hard to know if you're making good choices.

Intensity Level 1 - You’re almost okay, but not yourself, and not feeling good, and really want to feel better.

Please scroll down to the level that feels most like where you are.

Intensity Level 4 - In severe distress and feeling like you're in danger

Dear one, if you’re feeling unsafe, out of control, or in danger from someone, you need some human support.

• If you’re in immediate danger, you can reach out to a local emergency service (911 etc).  They are there to help and have many resources they can connect you to.

• If that doesn't feel like the right choice, maybe reach out to someone in your life who feels safe.  A trusted friend, teacher, therapist, mentor, spiritual guide, relative -- someone you feel you can trust.  

• If neither of those feels right, reach out to a crisis hotline to get help with your overwhelming emotions or thoughts.  Sometimes this is the perfect choice to help you figure out the best next step.

  • Lifeline offers 24/7 phone and text based crisis support with trained volunteer counselors 
  • Crisis Text Line offers 24/7 text based crisis support with trained volunteer counselors

Dear friend, you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Reaching out is not a failure — it’s a way of protecting yourself.

You are also welcome to use any of the resources below, and maybe a soothing technique will help you find the strength to reach out, but if you feel in danger, it's really important to contact another person who can help you figure this out.  💜

Intensity Level 3 - In intense distress but not in danger

If you’re overwhelmed, spiraling, or unable to settle, but you’re not in danger, you are still welcome to reach out to the crisis lines that I mentioned in Level 4, above.  They are there to help people get through difficult moments and connect you up with resources that can help. 

And reaching out to people you trust is very often the best choice of all.  We never were supposed to do this all alone.  So now might be a good moment to reflect on who in your life you feel you can trust.  You might even make a list in a note on your phone to help you remember who to contact when you need support.

And if you would like to try soothing yourself right now, I have a few resources to offer you.

I have a tool that works really well for settling a highly activated nervous system.  I call it the Five Senses Recycling Exercise. 

I have used it with many, many people, and over and over I have seen how it can help people get from a very high activation level (like 9 out of 10) down to a tolerable level (like 6 out of 10).  This important shift gets you into a better position to choose the next best step.

You can find instructions for that and other tools in the free Staying Calm in Crisis course I created during the first months of the Covid pandemic.   

It is important to understand that when we are in distress, we need to soothe our nervous system before we can make good decisions.  When we choose from a state of activation, we often make choices that don't work out very well. 

And to soothe ourselves, we need specific tools that calm the nervous system directly.

Also, a gentle reminder:  when you are starting at this level of overload, you can't expect to feel calm right away.  You have to take one small step toward steadiness at a time. 

Moving from 9 to 8 makes that crucial first difference.  Then from 8 to 7 helps again. And pretty soon you'll be able to make the next decision about what might help you.

So those are tools that can help now, and you are also invited to join us in The Embers Circle, a free weekly gathering where we come together to heal, to witness one another, and to tend the embers --the small, quiet parts of you that are still glowing, even if everything else feels dim.

Intensity Level 2 — Stressed, overloaded, but still functioning

If you're at this level, let's break the cycle that's keeping the stress going.  Let's start by taking a deliberate breath together right now.

• Count 6 as you breathe in. 
• Hold for just a moment. 
• Count 8 as you breathe out. 
• Hold for just a moment.

    ~~~~~~

Did you do it?  Please don't go on until you do...

Now do it two more times.

• Count 6 as you breathe in. 
• Hold for just a moment. 
• Count 8 as you breathe out. 
• Hold for just a moment. 
• Repeat 

    ~~~~~~

Again, did you do it? 

Don't go on until you do.  💜

Ok, now check and see if that shifted anything...perhaps that dropped one notch of activation.

When things feel like too much, you need to give your nervous system a chance to settle a little before you decide what is the next choice for you. 

Three deliberate breaths give you a good 20 seconds of practicing on purpose, just enough for the mind and body to settle a little.  And counting can occupy the mind just enough to interrupt the rumination cycles.  Together, they might be just enough to settle the nervous system and help you get some clarity about what you need.

Maybe then you realize you actually need something like food, water, fresh air, rest.  Or you think of the perfect person to connect with.  Or it gives you just enough space to finish a task you absolutely must get done.

Now that you have tried this, let's talk about two important things.   To make the real changes that you want in your life, you need to take two distinct steps.

• STEP 1 - Finding ways of settling the nervous system in the moment
  • This is essential, and plus you just deserve to feel better. 💜
  • If you don't take this step, you will stay in patterns of behavior that will create the same things again and again.
  • So this is essential, but it's only part of the answer.
• STEP 2 - Doing the longer term work of building resilience and making the changes that will help in the long run.
  • This is the thing that will really make a difference in your external life.
  • Very often we don't know how to do this, and that's what the Blissipline Community is for.  So, let me offer you options for both.

If you go to the Blissipline.Life page, you can access both The Embers Circle, where we focus on Step 1, and The Blissipline Community, where we also learn how to take Step 2.

And if you need more relief right now, please feel free to go to the free Staying Calm in Crisis course where you can access tools for soothing your mind and body.

Intensity Level 1 - Not terrible, but not feeling good, and wanting to feel better

Hey friend!  The fact that you're even seeking support at this level is a really good sign.  Most of us wait until we are in dire straits before we reach out, but if we catch it at this level we have a chance of skipping the terrible levels!

Firstly, all the options at Levels 3 and 2 might be helpful, so feel free to start there.

But here's another that's sometimes astonishingly helpful.  

• If it's convenient, put on a timer for 1 minute.  This will help you take enough time with the process.
• Put your hand on your heart.
• Take a couple of deliberate breaths, not trying to change anything, but just deliberately breathing in and out.
• Now, say out loud, "of course you feel this way," and see if you can actually meet your feelings with respect and kindness. 
  • Even if you don't like them or agree with them, these feelings came from somewhere, and need skillful attention.
  • See what happens if you just give them some space for a little while.
• Take a few more breaths, softening your heart and your body, and giving yourself a little more space to feel and to be.
• Just notice whatever comes up with curiosity and spaciousness.
• When the timer goes off, take a moment to notice how things have changed.

Sometimes, when we just stop fighting ourselves, this by itself creates a tiny break in the intensity of feelings.  In that gap there's the potential for a more significant shift. 

As Leonard Cohen says,

"There is a crack in everything.  That's how the light gets in."

When you get really good at meeting yourself where you are, and moving with compassion to the next better step, you end up spending a lot less time in the crappier places. 

If you want to develop that ability, please come join us in The Blissipline Community, where we learn and practice these skills together every week.   

As you return to your day...

You’ve done something important by checking in with yourself. Even reading this page is a form of care.  The more we learn to meet ourselves where we are with skillful compassion, the stronger we can become.

As you return to your day, I invite you to move slowly.  Have a little stretch.  Notice your breath. Notice your body. Notice if anything feels even a tiny bit different.

You don’t have to be “all better.” You just have to take the next kind step toward yourself.

And if you need support again later, this page will be here.

So will I.